Help! I Am In Love With My Roommate!

Two roommates standing close to each other in the kitchen preparing breakfast

Our Roomi tribe has come across some really raunchy roommate stories and some difficult relationship altering questions (like your crazy love for your roommate). We have a pulse on your real life troubles and we’re here to play our part (call us agony aunts or your fairy god mother) in helping you with your troubles. Should you hook up with your roommate? Is having a “roommate with benefits” a good idea? Well, to answer these questions, let’s look at some stories/questions we crossed paths with on the internet:

“He is quite attractive and walks around shirtless or in a towel. It’s kind of hard to ignore that! Beyond that, he has some annoying qualities like keeping his side of the apartment messy and the inability to do his dishes on time. But, he has a great sense of humor, and we spend a lot of time together because of the lockdown. His personality is growing on me, and I can’t help but wonder if there’s a possibility of us working out as a couple. I think I may even be in love with my roommate. Should I pursue him?”

~Anonymous

It’s quite normal to be attracted to your roommate; it’s pretty much like crushing on your friend or bestie. The feeling is exciting, dopamine ridden and nerve-wracking with moments of butterflies and daydreaming. However, as exhilarating as this feeling may be, don’t let it cloud your judgment as your ‘perfect love story’ could take a complicated twist. Firstly, a big hug from team Roomi if you’re in love with your roommate. We will try our best to help you make the right decision.

I’m in love with my roommate, should we hook up?

“Help! I can’t seem to take my eyes and mind off of her, and I don’t want to come across as a creep. She’s really hot, and I love her voice. Do you think we should hook up?

~Anonymous

Firstly, ask yourself, “Is this lust or love?” Because the outcome of this situation will be very different depending on what you’re feeling. Make sure you spend some time evaluating your feelings for your roommate. Does it look like you’re only attracted to them because of their looks and physique? Do you only want a roommate with benefits because you have nothing better to do? Or are you falling for your roommate because you love their personality, their kindness, the way you two are inseparable and enjoy spending time together? If you only want to hook up with your roommate because you’re bored, you better look for other means of entertainment.

Roommate vs. Roommate with benefits

If it’s lust or feels purely physical, try to reconsider the whole situation.

Because the cons of a roommate with benefits outweigh the pros. For instance, can you imagine sharing your apartment and doing daily chores with someone you’ve had a one night stand with?

At some point, one of you will undoubtedly break into awkwardness and frustration. And consequently, one of you will be forced to move. But the worst-case scenario is watching an agreed one night stand transform into unrequited love with notes of jealousy and hurt of rejection. Because falling in love with your roommate who doesn’t feel the same is the worst! So, think hard, because having a roommate with benefits isn’t always fun.

Related: 33 Signs You’re Falling For Your Roommate

“After my roommate broke up with her ex, I became her shoulder to cry on, and one thing led to another. Our writhing naked bodies spent most of the night and the entire morning in each other’s arms, basking in love and intimacy. At least, that’s what I thought. My best friend, also my ex-roommate, is now engaged. The details of that night still echo in this apartment and our unrequited love under the wraps. It’s been a year. I wonder if time will heal the awkwardness and the burning hole in my heart. The bigger question prevails – will I ever get my best friend back?”

~Anonymous

Roommate vs. live-in couple

I am in love with my roommate?!

If it feels like love – take it reallllly slow. Don’t hook up with your roommate right away. If you’ve only known them for a few months, try to spend some time understanding and connecting with them on a deeper level before you profess your love for them. Don’t make it awkward, but try to have a heart to heart like a friend. Above all, respect their decision no matter what their answer may be and give them some time. But if it’s still awkward, stay with your other friends for a bit to let things blow over.

The same applies to a roommate you’ve known for a while. So, here are some dos and don’ts to consider before you dive in:

Do:

  1. Talk to your friends to seek help & support.
  2. Respect your roommate’s decision.
  3. Have a contingency plan – stay in with friends or family if things get awkward.
  4. Know that there is a 50% chance of this not working out.

Don’t:

  1. Force your decision on your roommate.
  2. Make them feel bad about their decision.
  3. Get intimate instantly – try getting to know each other first.

D’you know what else Roomi does outside of helping its readers deal with their feeling about their roommate? With our ever-increasing lists of rooms and roommates across the world, we help you find your perfect match! Download the app here and hop on the easiest ride home, ever!