A roommates’ relationship turned sour over time isn’t the most absurd thing to imagine. Ever so often, things happen, sh** hits the fan, and two people who thought nothing could ruin their friendship, find themselves struggling to communicate about the tiniest of things.
Thus it’s only natural for people who are in coliving situations to find themselves thinking about ways to survive living with other people, how to be better roommates, and how to fix your relationship with a roommate.
When living with roommates, it’s almost essential to keep up a good and cordial relationship with your roommates, if friendship is not your thing. Here’s how you can fix your relationship with a roommate, no matter the cause of the trouble.
Fix your relationship with honest and polite dialogue.
Sometimes, people you’re living with may have annoying pet peeves that are subconscious behaviors. The smallest of things like, leaving your shoes by the door or talking too loudly on the phone are extremely trivial issues that can be resolved by giving the smallest indication.
But if not addressed when the time is right, they can blow up over time just as easily. Keeping the following points in mind can amplify your communication with your roommates by a lot!
Be honest and upfront about your feelings, without taking it too far.
Let your roommates know about the things that make you uncomfortable, and the things that tick you off. And be sure to follow up by asking them about theirs.
Be polite, especially when attempting to fix a relationship.
Bluntness may be tough for some folks to control, but when resolving a conflict, you do not want to be so blunt that you incite another issue altogether. Take some time before speaking with your roommate to understand what aspect you’re trying to fix exactly.
Avoid speaking with other housemates or roommates before taking to the person you are experiencing problems with.
Direct communication is the only way to fix your relationship with a roommate. It just wouldn’t work if you’re being talked behind your back or if you’re talking about your roommate to someone else.
When attempting to fix your relationship with a roommate, know that all battles are not meant to be won.
Sometimes, it’s important for the sake of other things at stake — like a lease or other people that live with you. It may be a good idea to take the conversation outside (like a lunch!).
Yet another important thing to know when attempting to fix your relationship with a roommate, is to approach the issue knowing that neither of you is going to win. Approach the problem as adults in attempts to find a solution that works for everyone.
Understand what’s troubling you and why, before bringing it up with your roommate.
While honesty is appreciated when something is bothering you, know when an issue is minute enough to not be brought up in a confrontational manner. To put things further into perspective, think about how you’d feel if that person asked you to change something about your own habits and behaviors — and how you’d wish to be spoken to, in the face of a situation like this.
Also try to be careful about the frequency of making such requests. It’s always a good idea to be fair and balanced whenever you come forth and address issues with your roommate!
Aim for compromise, and make sure to respect others’ views and backgrounds.
Imagine a situation where your roommate brings over their significant other during a designated day over the weekend, but that’s also the only day you have to do your weekly revisions.
Potential solutions to issues like such include:
- Working out a reasonable schedule or timeframe, where both of you understand that since this is the only day both of you have, you could alternate taking the room for your respective reasons. The person not taking the room could take the living area or find space elsewhere for themselves.
- Always give a heads up. This could eliminate all last-minute issues that arise between roommates who thought they were following the plan laid in place before.
It’s also incredibly easy to look at someone and go, “I could never do that.” But, being careful of the expectations you have of other people can be more rewarding than anything.
Because at the end of the day, your roommate could be thinking the same things about you. Judging others and their values is an extremely dangerous barrier to cross.
Honestly, no one’s asking anyone to agree with the things they do. You just need to communicate in ways that allow both parties involved to respect each others’ ways, behaviors, and values.
Before you think of how you should fix your relationship with a roommate, think about the things you could fix on your part.
Yep, a well-constructed relationship is where both people involved are examining what’s needed on their end. If a common space is being shared, then you’re both equally liable to take ownership of what goes on in that space. Oftentimes the best roommates are the ones who are simply capable of being respectful and courteous to one another!
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