My Roommate Hates My Friends! What Should I Do?

woman showing a hand to say no

It’s tough enough and makes for a super uncomfortable living environment when you’re living with a roommate you don’t like. Or if they don’t like you, and you can’t form a good roommate relationship. Moreover, if you live with a roommate who hates your friends, what can you do about that?

So you fail to understand why your roomi is so against your awesome group of BFFs? Then it’s time to take an outsider’s view at the situation!

Consider why your roommate hates your friends

If you love your friends and you can’t understand why anyone else would think otherwise. Then think about some common reasons why your roommate and friends might be struggling to make a bond.

So the first step is to think about the problems in your head. Then it will be easier to know which steps to take next to fix your roommate’s relationship with your friends.

Start by asking yourself these basic questions.

How often are your friends over?

If you find yourself thinking ‘my roommate hates my friends’ often, think about how much time they spend in your apartment. Is it more than 2-3 times per week?

If that is the case, it might be affecting your roommate’s relationship with you as well! They might feel that their space is being invaded and they’re uncomfortable in their own home.

Your roommate hates your friends because they’re loud or messy

Another probable reason why your roommate hates your friends could be the way your friends behave with them. They could unknowingly be acting disrespectfully towards your roommate’s space.

So think about whether they’re loud, messy or they’re constantly taking up the kitchen or bathroom. If this is the case, it will probably affect your roommate’s quality of life, and ultimately your roommate relationship too.

Do your friends make an effort with your roommate?

If your friends haven’t bothered to get to know your roommate, this can be one of the reasons your roommate hates your friends. So your job is to make sure you’ve properly introduced them so your roommate doesn’t feel left out.

Invite your roommate to hang out when your friends come around

If you think it’s not that your roommate hates your friends, but they simply haven’t gotten a chance to get to know each other, give them a chance to mingle.

Ask them to join you guys for a Netflix binge or invite them out for drinks or dinner. So the goal here is to strengthen your roommate relationship and open up some common dialogue between them and your friends.

Everyone has redeeming qualities. Try to create connections between your roommate and friends. Maybe something like, “Brad, did I tell you Nicole is a Knicks fan, too?”

Even totally different personality types can find common ground somewhere. So instead of thinking ‘my roommate hates my friends,’ make an effort to cultivate friendship.

Talk to your roommate

If you think your roommate hates your friends to an extent that they seem reluctant to hang out, have a heart-to-heart with your roommate. It’s important that you get to the bottom of why your roommate hates your friends.

And to have a successful conversation, ask open-ended questions but approach the conversation with sensitivity. Simply demanding, “why do you hate my friends so much?” will make your roommate feel defensive, and they won’t want to share their feelings.

So instead, try something like “I get the feeling you don’t like my friends as much as I do. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable in your own apartment, so I’d love it if we could work something out.”

Make an effort to give your roommate their space

If living with a roommate teaches us one thing, it is that sometimes we just have to accept that some personalities don’t – and probably never will – vibe well together.

So when you’ve tried everything you can to make things amicable when your friends are over (i.e. asked them to stop drinking all the coffee and to turn down the music after 10 p.m.), and still feel like your roommate hates your friends – then you need to reassess their visiting schedule to save your roommate relationship.

Limit the number of times your friends come to visit

To make living with a roommate easier, make house rules for a maximum number of guest visits per week. (Usually 2-3 is a standard amount.) And make sure your friends stick to the rule!

Your roomi will appreciate you making the effort to give them space. And if they see your friends less often, they might not mind their presence quite as much.

Put yourself in their shoes

If you’re feeling annoyed about having to reduce visits from friends, think about how you’d feel if you hated your roommate’s friends. Or go onto forums where people talk about why they hate their roommate’s friends. However, you could try other activities instead; explore what NYC has to offer or hang out at your friends’ apartments for a change!

D’you know what else Roomi does outside of helping its readers cope when their roommate hates their friends? With our ever-increasing lists of rooms and roommates across the world, we help you find your perfect match! Download the app here and hop on the easiest ride home, ever!