Coliving 101: Help! My Roommate Talks Behind My Back

toxic roommates gossiping behind each other's back

Isn’t it frustrating to find someone talking behind your back? TBH, this can happen to the best of us. It isn’t easy to live in shared apartments, coliving setting, or with roommates. We all have different temperaments, preferences, and stressors. Additionally, in shared apartments, you will come across people from different traditions & cultures. Hence, it is easy to find yourself amidst conflicts in a coliving setting. Even something as frustrating as your nosy roommate babbling behind your back. So how can you remedy this before it turns into a toxic relationship? Let’s look at some common reasons why your roommate can’t stop gossiping about you:

Related: How to Resolve Conflicts When You Share an Apartment

1. Your coliving buddy has low self-esteem

Shawty got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low. Self-esteem!

Jokes apart, your roommate needs help. Low self-esteem can drive people to find their confidence by putting someone down.

Team Roomi suggests: No one is born with low self-esteem, it’s a result of long-term negative life experiences & traumas. The best way out is to recognize their feelings & counsel them. Calm down, Bruce Banner! We know that you’re angry because this person accused you wrongly. However, your kindness can change them for good. Here are 7 ways to help someone with low-esteem.

2. Jealousy is turning your bond into a toxic relationship

You started as thick as Ron & Harry from the infamous Potter series. However, lately, you’ve noticed some odd behavior & tantrums. You can’t help but wonder why your perfect bond is turning into a toxic relationship. While Ron never said *hit behind Harry’s back, your roomi has no qualms about it.

Team Roomi suggests: Your coliving bud’s jealousy can be a by-product of your talent/success at work or relationships. It happens to the best of us, and anything can trigger this. Don’t react! Evaluate their comments first, and try to understand what it is that’s making them jealous. Here’s a guide to help you confront your roommate.

3. Your coliving bud’s blood group & personality type is the same

That’s right, folks, it’s B-!

Talking about blood groups – negative people are like energy vampires. They suck you dry and can turn any good bond into a toxic relationship. Coliving with a negative person is exhausting! And needless to say, their paranoia is driving them to talk about you behind your back.

Team Roomi suggests: A negative person needs reprogramming to change their outlook towards life. The pandemic has left a majority of us feeling anxious and negative about life. If you and your roommate enjoy a deep friendship, this guide will help you help them. However, if they continue to dampen your spirits, it’s time to detach and find a new roommate.

Related: Is Your Roommate Doing Ok? How To Recognize Signs Of Anxiety

4. Your coliving bud needs more attention than Charlie Puth’s girl

Believe it or not, your roommate’s gossiping is actually a desperate cry for attention. Most of this is driven by jealousy, impaired confidence, extreme competitiveness & a need for validation.

Quick tips from team Roomi that always work:

  • Ignore & detach from this toxic relationship!
  • Set boundaries and don’t put up with their behaviour!
  • Stay cordial but stern!
  • Tell them the truth about things you don’t like about them.
  • Joke about it casually when they pull stunts at you in front of a crowd.
  • Never lose your cool. A calm, unperturbed person can ruin all plans for an attention seeker!

Related: The Different Personality Types You’ll Experience as Roommates

We hope that our suggestions help you deal with ’em gossip queens in a coliving setting. While most of our advice urges you to be the bigger person and help. Know this- you cannot solve everyone’s problems. If your bond with your roomi is turning into a toxic relationship, call it quits! Because there’s someone who’s looking to find a cool roomi like you, and we’re waiting to introduce you two 🙂