Roommates can have a huge impact on your daily life. Having a roommate that you get along with can be the start of a lifelong friendship. They are your constant companion, friend, and advisor. However, if your roommate is less than amicable, it can be a bother. If you are living with a controlling roommate who is ruining your vibe, something needs to be done about it. Confused about just how to resolve these conflicts? Read on to understand how to deal with this situation.
Assessing the situation
Before we get around to creating a plan of action, we need to assess the situation. Get to know the problem better and find out what the cause is. Sometimes there is so much more to a situation and person than you think. Here are some questions to ask yourself before you start looking for solutions.
Is your roommate doing alright?
This past year or so has been extremely stressful and everyone’s mental health has taken a toll. It can be understandable if your roommate has been extremely cranky. Is your roommate doing okay? They may under immense pressure from their job or college or be overloaded with assignments. Your roommate maybe just going through a rough patch and keeping it all to themselves.
Is your roommate mentally unwell?
Coming off the previous point, your roommate may be suffering from mental issues. You may not understand or know what is going in their personal lives. Thus, you only see them being difficult with you. While you are probably not a mental health expert, there may be signs. Are they having difficulties with people, their work, or their family? Do they seem to be troubled all the time and can’t seem to have fun once in a while?
Is it your fault?
No, we aren’t gaslighting you or putting the blame on you, friend. We’d never. Your controlling roommate should never behave with you like that anyway. However, a little self-reflection may be in order. Is there something that you have done to see this side of them? Is there a time that you may have been rude or unkind to justify this kind of treatment? Or are you skipping your chores or being exceptionally messy?
Are they just jealous?
Now, we understand that you’re quite a cool kid and your friends love you. While you may have previously expected that your roommate will too, it is possible they’re jealous. After all, not everyone can handle all the awesomeness hon.
There could be some reason why your controlling roommate is jealous of you. This may just be their way of expressing it.
Finding a solution
Once you’ve found the root of the problem, it’s time to resolve this, once and for all. You want to be careful and sensitive while dealing with your roommate. Make sure you don’t send them into a flying rage. However, if you read on, we’re pretty sure you won’t.
You have to deal with it
Now, not all of us are great at confrontation. The introverts and socially awkward kids among us understand the pressure of something like this. However, you can’t always keep walking on eggshells around your own apartment. Think of all that you have been put with, and convince yourself that you need to have this conversation. The sooner you deal with this the better. Do not put it off for later and give a chance for more issues to come up.
Make changes yourself
If there is any way that you may have triggered your controlling roommate, try to see if you can do something. Clean up your space, be considerate, do your chores and give them their space. If there is something that you are doing wrong, try to make amends and see if your controlling roommate reacts to this positively.
Lend an ear to them
It could be that issues at work, college, or their personal life are the cause of their behavior. Make yourself more approachable and let them know you are there to lend an ear to them. If not, approach them and ask them how they are doing. Perhaps even share a few problems that you are having and take initiative. If they warm up to you and share their problems, then you may be on the path to a resolution.
Be sensitive and mindful
When you sit down to have a conversation with your controlling roommate, be mindful of how you approach them. The last thing you want to do is come off as aggressive or antagonize your controlling roommate. Make sure you approach them in a friendly way. If you have common friends, you may want to discuss this with them and even have them there. Be sensitive and willing to hear if they have any issues.
The last thing you want to do is trigger your controlling roommate. They could have a tendency to go off the hook. If you feel that things could head wildly South, then make sure you have a friend around. If things escalate, be ready to call building security, the management, or even the police. After all, you never know with people. The last thing you want is to get hurt or into a physical conflict.
It’s never too late to set rules. If you feel that setting rules and boundaries will help, sit your roommate down. You can make a set of rules and responsibilities to share. This may help with your situation and ease the tension. Be open to their suggestions as well, and try to make something that works for everyone. Remember your rights as a roommate too. You don’t need to cave into ridiculous suggestions from your controlling roommates.
Time for ‘the talk’
No, not that one. Once you’ve gone over the situation and made your assessment, it is time for you to sit them down. Let them know honestly but in a sensitive and friendly way. Put your foot down and don’t budge if they are being unreasonable. However, be ready to back off if you feel the situation could escalate. This is the make or break part. All the best!
If all fails
Maybe it just isn’t meant to be with your controlling roommate. Never mind. There are many fish (potential roommates) in the sea (city.) If they don’t value you, it could be time to search for a new roommate. Lucky for you, you’re already in the right place!
Roomi can help you find roommates and find one who is the right living partner for you. Better luck this time. Choose well!
D’you know what else Roomi does outside of helping its readers deal with their controlling roommate? With our ever-increasing lists of rooms and roommates across the world, we help you find your perfect match!